I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
