Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
