I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
