he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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