He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
