How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
