what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
