i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
