That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
