we have pet lesbian snakes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
