Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
