you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
