So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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