dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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