from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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