just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
