You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
