Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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