I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
