I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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