Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
