Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
