Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
