I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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