Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
