nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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