Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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