this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
