wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
