I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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