No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
