sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
