we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think people are normalizing furries
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize