Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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