Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fuck appropriateness.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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