i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
