Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize