Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize