tell your sister to shave her snatch
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
