i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
