Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
