i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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