I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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