If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
