it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
