This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
