She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize