Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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