you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
