How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
