Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
