My hand turned me down
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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