too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
