Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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