wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize