she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
