5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
