i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
