It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Boobs are out for the taking
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
