Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
