I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
