i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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