Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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