I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
