dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
