Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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