dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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