Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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