The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
