tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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