so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize