question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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