You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
