You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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