She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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