That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
