So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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