I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
