Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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