I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
