I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
